Jotting It Down | 001


Blogging used to be so different. When I started my first blog over ten years ago, I used to post anything between a single sentence or a quote or a captionless photo. Now my posts are full of images and back links and affiliates with corresponding social media blurbs here, there, every fucking where. 

I fell in love with blogging because in so many ways I feel like I’ve never quite found my tribe in real life. In the early days when I tried to connect in a youth group, I felt like the black sheep. I questioned too much. I was too curious about things good Christian teens shouldn’t be interested in.  And then when I was with other kids who were exploring drinking or smoking or sex I was the virgin who’s never smoked a cigarette. I was here nor there. 

Now I find myself as the young mother that breastfeeds in public, co-sleeps with her kids and sends her son to an alternative preschool. But I’m not wearing crocs or burning patchouli in my home. I’m not a full vegan that only shops at the farmer’s market. I bribe my son with candy and let him eat hot dogs. I just can’t commit to being all in on one side or the other. And I’ve always felt like I don’t completely fit in here or there. 

But online, I do feel like I fit in. I feel understood and like myself. It’s like camp. The exhilarating place were you get to be yourself and you’re celebrated. You feel so fucking cool and wonder why it’s not like this at home. That’s how I feel online. I feel really damn cool… as long as I don’t go reading reddit threads where the mean girls from high school have replicated the cruelty of teenage years. 

Adam tells me all the time that the reason people keep reading my blog isn’t about the clothes. It hasn’t been about the clothes for a long time. It’s about me and it’s about you - the reader - the friend from across the country or across the globe. It’s about how you make me feel like the best version of myself because you get it. You’re my tribe and I want to share the hills and valleys of life with you. Because we’re all human. And as much as I like the pretty pictures and content creation and sponsorships, I like connecting with other people more. I need your empathy. I want to give you mine. I want to connect. 

So that’s what I’m going to do. I’ve got this place and I’ve got you. I’m ready to use this space for more than just wardrobe suggestions or home decor projects (they’ll be here too!). I still like those things, but I need a journal, so this is where it’ll live. And it won’t be perfect - it’s just a place for me to talk about life off the cuff like my Instastories.

Some days are mundane and some are exciting. Writing it all down forces me to really examine my reasons for doing things. Why do I care what people think about me? Why am I doing this? How can I learn? How can I grow? I’m no expert. In anything. But I’m trying. Watch me go.